Well that went better then I expected. Yay.
You little fucking shit. I missed out so so so so much.
Magically show up, and I almost threw up I got happy that fast.
And then I had to keep my cool because if I let myself get excited like that, I would have thrown up on you.
So I wasn’t trying to keep my distance.
And now I’m anticipating talking to Destiny, which I want to do. So that then it’s over and done with. I think she’ll have a good reaction actually, I think she will be genuinely happy for you. ♥ now we just need to get it over with.
Whew. here we go. I’ve always wanted to take in a breath and just jump, but when that time comes I always freeze. I dont know why.
Anyways I can’t wait to start this with you. Like really I can’t
Gavin is trying to crawl! Aw! What a good boy! I love it.
I just wish you were home. I’m so tired.
I just want to lay in bed with you, and cuddle and sleep and just feel better.
I only have to wait a little over 24 more hours… I hope.
just 24 more hours. then I can not have to wait much longer. Just gotta think of that.
I love my life right now, yes, everyone will always want to change, or improve a few things. I do, but I’ve never been happier ❤️
I have a man, who touches me distractedly
like sitting watching a movie and he just kinds of drags his fingers over your skin while watching and he doesn’t have a motive he’s not trying to tickle you or be sexual with you he’s just touching your skin and feeling the shape of your bones under that skin like it’s physically comforting for him to know that you’re there right under his fingertips.
And I secretly LOVE that feeling to no end. I love being touched
I just feel like screaming. I want Friday to be here. I’ve never missed someone this much in my life. Except Gavin. But with Gavin I get him back the same day. 😢
This has been such a long, torturous, and hellish week. I just want cuddles and you to be home.
Silly emotions, why is everything amplified when you’re pregnant? I already felt an increasing surge of emotions before. This just makes a lot of it hard to deal with.
And my stupid back needs to stop hurting me so freaking much. Like eff. Off. Pain.
I can’t wait for the weekend but at the same time I kind of can cause I have to let Gavin see his father and his “new priorities”. Bah.
I just want to sleep, and sleep, and sleep, and sleep. Then I can wake up when you’re home. That would be fantastic, marvellous, phenomenal, and wonderful. I would wake up such a happy person.
Not that I’m unhappy I’m just in a whining mood.
I’m really missing you right now. & I know I should be more appreciative of the time I do get with you but I just wish you were here.
I’ve got so much on my mind. & not enough coffee to keep myself going consciously today.
I should have listened to my gut last week. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so in tune with my body that way if this goes badly I wouldn’t feel so bad.
I think it is bothering me so much because, just the fact that there is a chance it could go wrong, it feels like every moment is a momentary bomb. Figuratively speaking of course.
Missing you just makes this so much more real. I wanted this with you before, now that it’s happening I just want it so much more.
Even if you were here, and I didn’t say these things out loud, just your presence alone makes me feel better about it. Because no matter what I have you. Undoubtedly.
I guess I’m just scared or well.. nervous?? I just don’t want to do this again, all alone, again. I know you’ll be there when you can be cause you want to be there. I don’t know why it stays in my mind that I’ll be alone through this all over again. Maybe because the first time kind of traumatized me. which is what made me swear I wouldn’t have another kid again. But then you came into my life.
You gave me the hope of the life I always wanted not only for myself, but for my babies. I don’t know if it’s cause I see all the love you give everyone, or how strong you are in everything you do. I don’t think you realize how big of a rock you are to everyone around you. It makes me wonder how you do it.
I hope you look at me and think you can rely on me too. I’m always here for you even if you just want to complain about where the toilet is in the bathroom. I love listening to you and hearing about what you have to say.
I never thought I’d ever be so attracted to someone. I never knew it was possible. Thanks, for showing me this. It’s in human nature, everyone wants the same thing in life, to be loved, needed, and wanted. I hope I give that to you. In every way you want it.
You hold me, you’ve saved me, you drive me wild. You make me feel like I am home again. I haven’t felt at home in this world since I was 11. That’s 8 years of feeling like I haven’t belonged anywhere.
I praise you, you’re magical to me. You’re the someone I needed to love. I know it sounds so cheesy. but I can’t make the words hold enough volume and truth into sense that its equivalent to what I feel.
So four pregnancy tests later.
2 invalid, 2 positive, and self doubt.
I went to the doctor instead. cause looking for reassurance, just to be told what I already knew. FREAKING YES.
I should tone it down just so everyone isn’t like holy shit.
& its the best thing ever.
You’re going to be home soon! YAY. holy shit, this has seemed like the longest week ever. I’m so excited.
two cups of tea later. Ugh, I still have to go through these damn court packages, I don’t want to. and school. UGH. even a bigger no. no no no no no no no. Where is my motivation?! I’m tired and so is Gavin, poor child is soo cranky, and won’t go to sleep… I need to get these things done before Monday. I don’t want to do it at all. Jesus I used to be so good at balancing these things. With all my stress lately I just want to drink myself into a tea coma.